In this Industry, do we need to toughen up?
Have you ever been told to toughen up? I have. Especially when it comes to acting. It is a tough career, everyone says, full of rejection, everyone says, you need to toughen up – they say. I disagree.
I don’t think we can toughen up, and I don’t think we need to toughen up. We are actors not marines! Many of those sensitivities allow us to be artists. As Joey says in Friends, when he tears up, “I’m an actor, I have to keep my emotions close to the surface.” *
However I think we can make the path easier and happier if we become more resilient. Resilience in turn, allows us to keep trying, to persist.
Two parts to the process
There are two parts to the resilience process. One is seeing that any rejection is a perception, not the truth. i.e. we can be amazing and still not get the job. Therefore it is not a rejection of our ability or us. It is only a rejection when we tell ourselves that we didn’t get it because we lacked something. But, this is not a fact. This is just a story we tell ourselves. A painful story that hurts us.
We can choose to know that several talented, nice and deserving people may audition. Only one can be chosen. The others are not lacking, they just couldn’t all play the part. Knowing that we were good enough, but for some minor unknowable reason, they went another way – means we aren’t so personally hurt by not getting the job. It wasn’t personal and it wasn’t a rejection of us.
Arrive Whole
The other part to resilience is to arrive at the industry whole. What does that mean? It means to NOT go to the industry seeking approval, attention, validation or love. You may immediately flinch, and say “of course not”, “that’s not me”. It takes courage to see that as well as wanting to fulfil our artistic desires (to grow, to express, to create, to tell stories, to embody character), that we may also be seeking something else: seeking those core human needs to be heard and seen, to be accepted and loved. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. It is only that when we pass over the responsibility of fulfilling these needs to the industry, that we can get seriously bruised and battered.
Attend my seminar on how to arrive at the industry whole – Find Out More
This industry will not love or heal you, even when it feels like that’s what it is doing. But we can heal and love ourselves so that we arrive at the industry with just our artistic desires. This makes us more whole, balanced, grounded and less likely to feel the disappointments so acutely because it is the pain of not feeling wanted that hurts more than not getting a role. So, forget toughening u, that impossible, stiff upper lip nonsense of yesteryear, and let’s evolve. Let’s learn resilience. Let’s take responsibility for our needs and meet them, this will make you happier and more hireable. I think they call that a win/win.
Find out more about my upcoming seminar on emotional resilience here.
*Or words to that effect.
